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A Mother’s View
By Elle Hayes
as printed in the Summer 2008 issue of Island Child
It was late in life when I first experienced the joys of motherhood. Many of my friends had embarked on this journey much earlier then I and were now cruising along at a comfortable pace. Their children, although joys to be around, seemed foreign to me and I would often wonder what caused them to behave in the manner in which they did. Continuously amazed by my friends’ successes, I watched in astonishment how tantrums could lead into tears which then lead into hugs and kisses. Over and over again boundaries would be pushed, goals set, and strategies implemented, and over and over again, to my surprise, my friends would reap the rewards of their accomplishments. Needless to say I was absolutely terrified when my time had arrived. Was there some magic book that my mother, in her busy schedule, had forgotten to pass along? Sure, I struggled with the standard fears that most mothers go through, like will I feed them enough, will they be healthy, or will I accidentally leave them in a mall somewhere? But then there were the bigger, less obvious, fears haunting me; will they grow up to be well adjusted and normal children above the grade point average in University?
I had visual images of them sitting in a therapist office discussing childhood memories and not in a good way. As
I grew closer to my due date however, something else began to strike me that was much more concerning than any poor parenting that I could dish out. I began to notice that the judgment of mothers was absolutely appalling. It was bad enough that we mothers were struggling to get over these new hurdles in our lives, what with periods lasting as long as six weeks, hormonal changes, and sleep deprivation. Did I mention the periods lasting as long as six weeks?! What was worse was that the judgment was not coming from outsiders who had yet to embark on this personal and astonishing journey of life. No, this judgment was coming from other mothers. Everywhere I looked derogatory comments were being made about another woman’s mothering. Not only were comments made about their parenting styles, but about the behavior of their children as well. Really, how difficult is it to raise children anyway? With all our inadequacies as mothers, the human race has successfully managed to grow at an inordinate rate and most of the population still seems to avoid prison.
All my therapy fears began to subside and were replaced with a deeper sensitivity to women in general. What has happened in our society to cause women to view each other so negatively? It was strange that we could offer so much kindness and understanding to our own children but not to the children around us and not to the mothers mothering them. I had to wonder, how can we teach our children that it is not nice to speak unkindly of others, and then speak unkindly of others?
As the celebration of parenthood graces us in its yearly spring and summer visits, let us as mothers, take the time to support and encourage the women who have enlisted in the selfless task of motherhood. If children learn what they live, and do as we do, would it not be kinder to leave the judgments for American Idol and offer a softer approach to the way people choose to parent? After all, we are the best of the best, we are mothers.
Ah….Autumn – BLOG
Random thoughts from a busy local mama, as printed in the Fall 2007 issue of Island Child
Ah autumn. Sipping apple cider while strolling in a delicious new coat. It always feels so good to break out the jeans, fresh socks and boots... and that's just the kids. I've always loved this time of year. Even though leaves are falling and nature is getting ready for winter, it is also a time of harvest. I am a sucker for fall fairs, farmer's markets and all things homemade. And with the additional layers of clothing I can indulge in comfort food, hearty soups and melted cheese on things baked in the oven... pumpkin pie can't be too far now.
So I guess it is obvious that I am happy for fall. I will finally be able to toss out the flip flops that have been a wardrobe staple for my son. We were ready for summer with supportive sandals and hip sneakers... but all it took was one pair of $6 flip flops and my son had met his "must-have" for summer. At first he called them "slip-slops" and we thought it was cute. But as his love for these useless pieces of plastic grew so did our frustration. It seemed like we were always in a flip-flop crisis.
We also had made a no French fry policy around these parts. We found it was just too easy for our kids to fill up on these greasy gems when on a road trip or at a restaurant or summer
festival... they are everywhere. It's not like we eat a lot of them, but being vegetarian sometimes it is the only thing we can eat at public events. I generally try to bring food, but the kids never seem too enthusiastic when I break out the almond butter and rice cakes in the middle of a food extravaganza. They know French fries are being consumed - it's some intuitive talent that kids have. Why is it that no one sets up a healthy snack cart at all the family events that summer brings? I am happy to be back to eating at home, packing our own
lunch and not being caught without food, in a crowd, near a French fry vendor.
Basically it feels like some sort of order is being restored. We fall back into the rhythm and routine of life. Really, I love all seasons, it's just that I am completely ready for the next one when it comes, and fall happens to be now. Apple slice anyone?
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